thanks, customs

xmas presents still not here, apologies given to friends/family who are lacking in presents...

£13.60 customs charge for holding up my parcel for 2 weeks, because the obvious reason someone would buy 7 different sized/styled/gendered tshirts to arrive BEFORE xmas is that they are selling t shirts for profitzzzz. ye.

i paid extra for quick delivery, A MONTH AGO.

jobsh

what are the odds that u go 2 an interview with experience in student funding (college) and get topped by someone who's done student funding (uni)? i mean really lol that is a bit of an unlucky one!! still, time to sort out my swancoll app! :-)

to add to that, applying for jobs i already do doesn't seem to work either, as i applied a few months back to be paid for one of the jobs i ALREADY DO FOR FREE and na-da. maybe in april it will be considered that i am paid.

and then, like, in june i applied to be paid for a job i had been mostly doing for free for NINE MONTHS and i wasn't even TOLD for 6 weeks that i hadn't got the job!!

sometimes i wonder why i still bother, tho now i am putting togehter an application for a job i used to do (really well) and i would hope to actually get seeings as i can actually do the job lol i wouldn't be surprised with my shitty luck if i didn't get it due to being struck by lightening etc on the day of the interview. or i lost out on interview points, or messed up some stupid data entry test.

natural rejection

many years ago (2006 i think??!) i got a tinted moisturiser in boots from their cheapo brand 'natural collection'

it was less than 2 quid, which was brilliant, and it has lasted til, uh, about now lol.

i feel like a bit of a stig keeping make up for that long but there you go...

anyway, i replaced it this weekend, and the shade is called 'natural' - it's about the colour in the pic.

now not to be so nitpicky over wordage, but does this mean that colours other than this are less/not natural?

i'm now pissed off i didn't see it before supporting the cause with my £1.95. bad boots!

head meets desk

what the hell kind of stupid place do i live in anyway?

besides the impending closure of fairbridge, the most awesomely successful youth project i have ever seen, what the goddam bum ass kind of rubbish is this?

pink lights being used to embarrass teenagers out of places that they hang around that they shouldn't hang around in. what the ey? here's the linketh: BEEB NOOZ

apparently these pink lights highlight imperfections in the skin, and give kids a pinkish tint, which they are hoping boys will find effeminate and therefore bad.

1. er, no.

2. just no

3. 'pink = girly = maybe homosexual = bad' and to be avoided does not equal 'helpful message' trying to keep lads away from things that are pink is just stupid and does nothing to challenge the idea that looking at all gay or feminine (or indeed, refusing to conform to a set of rules for acceptable masculinity) is something that is somehow less than.

4. why would local councils want to highlight medical/physical problems that so many people have and are probably already ashamed enough of in order to get them to conform? i dont even know where to start but i think most people at some point in their day are presented with a barrage of images of perfect skin, constantly reminding them that 'this is the goal, you are far from it' -- and then to have your local council install lights in order to highlight spots? srsly. i'd be all for going down to the local council and bodysnarking their decision makers, if i didn't think it was goddam rude and inappropriate, dehumanising and ultimately crap for everyone who has to put up with the huge negative self image problems perpetuated in this country. rraagh!!!

5. what happened to other approaches, such as defining reasonable spaces for young people to meet up, which are accessible, available and safe? or perhaps *talking* to the groups of young uns meeting up with their friends?

here's a couple of just as ranty posts: here and here

in which i decide i don't like 'avril lavigne'

this musical talent has been annoying me for some time now, but i'm only just bored enough to share why.

i guess it all started in the video to 'complicated', in which our hero suggests that her gang of young menfolks 'go trash the mall' and they proceed to generally make a big fecking mess of a shopping centre where you know full well there are a bunch of LOSERS doing their job/ killing the funs by being pissed off that this gang of rich kiddlings are delieratly causing a load more work for them by knocking shit over, running away and laughing. and then the kids go hang around at the skate park whilst these shop workers probably get home later than planned cuz they had to stay late and unpaid cleaning up whilst their kids wait for dinner etc etc

yeh ok, it's just a flippin music video, worse (MUCH worse) happens in music vids, maybe i'm just gettin old (the thought has crossed my mind before) but tbh, this sort of crap is not fair on teens either. i mean, it doesn't exactly unpick that general opinion i've heard a few times before that kids are troublemakers /uncaring assholes, and i betcha that a lot of teens, if they tried to pull that level of public nuisance would end up ASBO'd, charged with theft/criminal damage/whatever, not cool!

anyway i've already written far too much about this, but at some point i'm pretty sure i have a rant somewhere about skater boi (however u wanna spell it) and the joy that avril has that her b/fs ex is 'feeding the baby all alone' -- i mean srsly, just because she turned a guy down she deserves to be all alone? and where did this baby come from? is it his? what the hell is he doin ditching her to go rockin up MTV!! take some responsibilty!! and avril, pls STFU

it's been 10 days!

since my last update, which really is terrible. what can i say?

firstly, that i have been watching the olympics, and have been amazed by the synchronised diving, the swimming, the gymnastics, loads of things actually i am so impressed by it all!

secondly, that i am going through one of those times where i am just not impressed by a whole bunch of stuff and hardly have the energy to do anything about it. there is an online idiot who seems to take delight in sapping the life out of me and coming out with utter shite over and over again and to some extent i really would love to just launch into an enormous rant about how pointless and silly a person they are... but i am my mothers daughter, i would rather attack the ideas and the actions of people than the people themselves. which is an altogether much longer and more difficult task not worthy of my time or effort. i have blogs to nurture!

thirdly, i have been getting around a bit, it has been lovely being able to travel so much these past few years, i get such itchy feet if i stay in this town too long. a friend said to me last week that she would like to move northwards, as this town is a wannabe london, everyone is so self involved, self important and constantly rushing around - forgetting to stop and look at what is really beautiful in life/hippy. The south east of england, barring london, wants to be london but gets it wrong. it has eternal short man syndrome, in which it's always trying to prove itself to be the big man, and always falling depressingly short...

conformist

you can spend your life trying not to conform but you gotta give in somewhere, and people who try to nonconform will always do so in a way that conforms with other people who are 'not conforming'. sad but true

the more different you try and be from other people the more they will look but not understand. so you gotta cut down on your silly side in order to have friends, or at least people that know you a bit but still want to talk to you.

not conforming is great fun, depending on what you are throwing away and how easy that is... however, there is a danger that you start to think yourself superior to those that conform because you personally can't see the value in what they do! that's it though, they *do* see a value in it - which make it all cool right?

i guess at some point we all have to play the game, you have to sacrifice the person you want to be for the person you want to be, if you wanna be an accountant, you can't have rockin purple hair at your cool job. if you wanna do cool fun things as a youth worker you gotta sit down and risk assess first, and then worry about it every damn day. if you wanna change the world you gotta live in it first. compromise or conformity?

priories people!

anger

you know those days where you really are just so angry at the world, like nothing makes sense and everything just seems so unjust, and the world is UTTERLY WRONG and FAILING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE EVERY DAY and you just want it all to STOP so you can do some tweaking here and there, sort things out and i don't know... help things a bit.

i feel a bit helpless though, i couldn't even help myself.