Telephone/Office Version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsU9tz3d3OY

Hello hello girlfriend, no no I can't do a thing
Cuz I am stuck up in this f***ing office building
Wha-Wha-Wha-What did you say?
What guy you gonna bring?
Oh sh*t, I gotta go right now
My boss is coming
My boss is coming
My boss is coming
Sorry gotta go,
My f***ing boss is coming
Just a week
vacation and I know where I would be
Party in New Delhi
With our outsourced I.T.
When I drink my second coffee,
Get my energy
It will go right through me
Now I'm kinda gassy.
CHORUS
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna work any more
Passive aggressive micro managing manwhore
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna troubleshoot for
The customers who bought online from our web store.
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...
Stop telephonin' me!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...
I'm busy!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...
Stop telephonin' me!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...
Can call all you want,
but I'll put you on hold
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!
Out on break,
With some birthday cake,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!
x2
All my boss' post-it notes
won't make me type no faster
check my email faster
scan these files no faster
I should of worked from home in bed
Cause Michael Scott's my master
Harrassin like a bastard
F*ck it - I'm gettin plastered
Not that I don't like my job,
Just rather party.
And I am sick and tired
of all this team building
Sometimes I feel like
I'm workin at Dunder Mifflin,
Today I'm not doin no work
'Cause I'll be dancin'.
'Cause I'll be dancin'.
and this ain't Scranton.
Today I'm not doin' no work
'Cause I'll be dancin.

fire coming out of a monkey's head

Got off a plane to the country sound
I drove to the mountain and a hole in the ground
There was crack on the corner and someone dead,
and fire coming out of the monkey's head
Put me in a cab to suburbia
I just took a line but I wasn't with ya
There was more of it there, when I got back home
But you left me,you don't know my soul

i hate the world today

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

i am a sensitive artist

Sensitive Artist
by John S Hall
King Missile (dog fly religion) _Fluting On The Hump_ Shimmy Disc 1987

I am a sensitive artist...

I am a sensitive artist.
Nobody understands me because I am so deep.
In my work I make allusions to books that nobody else has read,
Music that nobody else has heard,
And art that nobody else has seen.
I can't help it
Because I am so much more intelligent
And well-rounded
Than everyone who surrounds me.

I stopped watching tv when I was six months old
Because it was so boring and stupid
And started reading books
And going to recitals
And art galleries.
I don't go to recitals anymore
Because my hearing is too sensitive
And I don't go to art galleries anymore
Because there are people there
And I can't deal with people
Because they don't understand me.

I stay home
Reading books that are beneath me,
And working on my work,
Which no one understands

I am sensitive...
I am a sensitive artist...

True, y'know

"Everything You Know Is Wrong"

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
"Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into the truck

And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr

They sucked out my internal organs
And they took some polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of
Colonel Sanders started yelling

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty papercut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died

So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
By the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like
The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code

Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
For all eternity
And every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong

do i stress you out?

Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker

And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...

one of my fave songs of all time... for so many reasons.

drivin' me wild

Lily Allen:
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
Love's not a mystery, it's everything

Common:
She was the type to watch Oprah and the Today Show
Be on the treadmill, uh, like "Okay, go"
Had a body, A body that you can't pay fo'
That mean she had some Ds on her but they wasn't fake though
Had a drive for a drive for Rodeo
She spent pesos on those Lebeaus
Spin class at the gym, strip tease on a pole
She was so obsessed with her body and clothes
To every party she goes, tryin hard to be chose
They say it's hard for a pimp but extra hard for these (hoes)
Readin Us and People Mag, tryna get the scoop
Chasin a actor for a Bentley Coupe
She been through the ball player from the Clippers, then came the pumps
All thinkin she number one where she was just a jumpoff
Doin all she can for a man and a baby
Drivin herself crazy like the astronaut lady

Lily Allen:
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
Love's not a mystery, it's everything

Common:
He had paper since we was in we was in high school
Pop was a doc, mom taught at my school
Lock with the rocks, in his ears he kept jewels
One of the Diddy types, da D-D-Dame Dash dudes
Pushed a Maserati Sport, readin the Robb Report
Wanted to be Mike but he was never live at sports
Since golf is in he was on the drivin course
To live the rap life is what he was strivin for
Spendin cash at the bar to get credit
Drinkin Chaundon just because Big said it
They say Ye is but dude was big headed
Rocked the fur in the summer so somebody'd pet it
He had a fetish for shoes that's athletic
Pathetic on his MySpace page half nekkid
It's a shame what they do for fame and to be respected
Joe, you coulda got it if you never woulda stressed it

Lily Allen:
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
Love's not a mystery, it's everything

Common:
They was one of them couples, people said they were the it
Unbreakable, like Bobby and Whit
Or Ryan and Reese, or Kimora and Russ
Relationships can be dead but look live to us
I guess we all been through it where we try too much
Losin yourself and you're lyin and stuff
Wishin for the diamond cuffs, in search of a ring
Where love is not a mystery it's everything

Lily Allen:
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
It's this thing now, that's drivin' me wild
I gotta see what's up before it gets me down
Love's not a mystery, it's everything

Gets me down
Gets me down
Gets me down
Gets me down
Gets me down
Gets me
Love's not a mystery, it's everything