cheap total gastric bypass

you will need:

1 large bra
a blindfold (a tie will do)
boobies or socks to put in bra
a low cut top
your normal food, and means to eat said food

method:

put on the bra. place boobies or socks inside.
put on low cut top
now cover your eyes using the blindfold
now, eat your food as normal, a significant amount of food should fall down between ur boobies/socks, completely bypassing the digestive system and helping you to achieve your weight loss target.*

*possibly, results may vary