2010 in stuff I did.

January: I am employable. After 15 months of wondering what to do with myself, I finally found myself to be capable of administration. Excellent discovery. I am not smoking.

February: I am content. I draw, paint, cook, eat drink and am merry. I like life.

March: I am experimenting. I lost my hair, I painted my nails, Islands, Dragons, Sunshine. I drew.

April: I am tired. I can't do everything. I can't work full time, part time and relief. I gave up on youth club work.

May: I am restless. I need to move. I applied for another job. We went to Devon, I thought about giving up.

June: I am moving. I got the job, friends moved away, I turned another year older, and we got engaged.

July: I am travelling, Oxford, Home, Home, I saw my family, I found my wedding dress, but I wont know it yet.

August: I am exhausted. We moved house, I became ill. I am stress. I need sleep. I am cross.

September: I am involved. We're planning a wedding. I'm working late. Work is less important, but still we take a trip to forget. I take on a new challenge.

October: I am celebrating. I am the hen. I see old friends and new and am recharged, defiant. This month lasts forever. I am upbeat.

November. I changed my mind. I am in blue. I am married. I am on honeymoon, I changed my mind. I am back to reality. I am contemplative. I missed a boat. I changed my mind.

December. I am waiting. I am impatient. I am home. I am away. I am wondering where I will go next. I am wondering where I am supposed to be.

crash

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8203120.stm

there's this video that's been making the rounds on youtube about texting and driving, and if i were not far too nervous a driver to even attempt texting whilst driving then it would have deffo put me off this one!

it's a lot grim

but worth a watch.

crappy job situation

i need another job, preferably one i like, that isn't too far away, that pays me and maybe actually guarantees me some hours every week. i dunno if that's too much to ask really.

i'll take a longer distance for a relevant job. i'll have crappy pay for the right area (though if the pay is so crappy that it'll cost me more to get to work than i will actually earn there then i'll reconsider!)

why is this so hard to do? every time i think i'm getting somewhere i come up againt yet another reason it's not gunna work. i like to think i'm not workshy! anyway, i'm starting a course this evening, and hopefully (fingers crossed) there will be some networking and maybe a few opportunities come up there. the current deal is like a 24 hour work week, (not guaranteed, highly variable) 8 hours of volunteering and some course just starting, need more!! anyhoo, lets keep waiting, again. can't go forwards can't go backwards just stuck in the middle waiting for opportunities to jump on!

meh

noooooooooo!

i love rhianna, she is wonderful and i am totally beside myself upset she ended up in hospital after (still alledgedly) being beaten up by her bf, chris brown.

i mean it's tragic and horrible that this happens to anyone...

http://jezebel.com/5149567/rihanna-is-the-alleged-victim-in-chris-brown-case

what upsets me just as much is the amount of really horrible comments i keep seeing about it, which just make me ashamed to be human. :-(

win sum loose sum

so after a second interview i lost out on a cool youth worky job to someone who is more 'in touch with local stuff' than me... yeh i just wont go there... not here. :-(

so i am like 'boo hiss' all night sulky sulk sulk smoke grump

then some wickedcool person gives away train tickets from neath to wivenhoe on freecycle!! yay!! i get to come bk and see my friends in teh 'stead and maybe see some of my yoofs! lalalaaa!! I am happy again.

on sloth, gluttony and being an antisocial arse

so tonight i *could* have gone to rollerworld
i could have gone for a walk
i could have done the laundry
i could have tidyed the room
i could have [insert misc housework]
i should have called my mum
my boss should have called me
i should get off my ass and go wash up my plate, maybe make a cuppa (decaf) tea

fact is, i suffer from sloth. and for that matter, i also suffer from gluttony, and the two combined are lethal. for example, tonight i had a can of beans with veggie sausages in, i cooked the whole can because i couldn't be arsed to put half the can in a plastic tub, as i am home alone and i couldn't be bothered to wash the tub up whenever i eat the rest of the beans..


I KNOW

also, i have a cheesecake in the fridge, and i LOVE cheesecake. but i am too full to eat it but tonight i might eat it because it is so nice. its a stawberry one, not quite a lemon but GET THIS, i have lemon cakes too! no i am not going in the kitchen, cuz i know if i do, i will do something that will make me feel ill. i know there is no room left at the inn after that whole can of beans.

so at the moment, the sloth is preventing the gluttony.

what is also preventing the gluttony is that there are people in the kitchen. nice people, i met them about 2 weeks ago when i moved in. but tonight i am also suffering from being an antisocial arse and i don't want to go in the kitchen in case i have to *talk* to someone

sigh

abort

so MPs are having a free vote on abortion this evening.

lets get a few stats in.

unless something changes in our biology:

520 of the total 645 MPs in the house of commons, will never become pregnant.

What is the average age of an MP?
Following the general election of 2005, the average age of an MP was 50.6

so, also, considering this:

"The menopause is the name given to the end of menstruation (periods). It is also sometimes referred to as 'the change of life'. In the UK, the average age for a woman to reach the menopause is 52."

it might be a safe bet to suggest that it is unlikely any MP is going to fall pregnant anytime soon, or ever. (edit: i have been reminded, quite rightly, that these older lady MPs may have had abortions in the past)

also, with an annual salary of £61,820 (as of 1 November 2007), the financial hardship of child bearing may be more difficult to comprehend. financial independence is a luxurious position from which to make moral decisions on behalf of others.

I sincerely hope that i am being judgmental here, and that these factors which might give MPs a safe distance from the realities of this issue (which are not the same for every person) do not prevent MPs voting in line with what their constituents deserve.

Luckily, at time of writing, nearly 400 MPs have voted against lowering the abortion limit to 12 weeks. frighteningly, 71 had voted for it.

I will write more on this another day, but the beeb comentator suggested that MPs are leaning towards the more liberal ideas. am i now so liberal that i see what others describe as 'liberal' as 'the very baseline of reasonable' ??

sorry, we can't help you, or your daughter.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=566044&in_page_id=1879

Story is sad but hilarious, teenage rebellion, young love, exploitation, overbearing mothers, DEATH BY CANNABIS, TEEN PREGNANCY...

"It was then that we started hearing all sorts of rumours about Jack, that he'd given her cannabis. I was distraught, half expecting a call saying Victoria had been found dead."

Oh and the cracking line about her mum discovering a packet of contraceptive pills and assumed that this meant her daughter was sexually active.

The story is kinda saddening, half to me because the hate mail thinks it's fine to invade this girls privacy for a story. To publish details about her sex life/lack of. My sister passed tis story on to me, she has known this girl at school since the age of 5. Apparently the girl now thinks she is a celebrity, and holds her hand out and says 'NO COMMENT' to people. I despair, and sulk.

prescott, eating disorders.

From The Sun:

The former deputy prime minister said: “I’ve never confessed it before. Out of shame, I suppose, or embarrassment or just because it’s such a strange thing for someone like me to confess to.

“People normally associate it with young women - anorexic girls, models trying to keep their weight down, or women in stressful situations, like Princess Diana.”

Firstly, i'd like to say congratulations to JP for now eating what he wants, and not binging and purging.

Secondly, i'm a bit annoyed at the way this has been reported, not only by The Sun (as above) but by the Beeb. The reporter said something like 'it was embarrassing for him to have to admit to having a girls disease'

Eating disorders are commonly associated with 'impressionable young women' they said, not middle aged men. His doctor told him it was down to stress! Obviously, not down to skinny celebrities in the media, vogue or other misc sources that eating disorders in women are often blamed on. As a proper successful MAN with a high profile job, his eating disorder was not because he wanted to look good in a bikini like a shallow woman, but because he was stressed.

Consultant psychiatrist Dr Ty Glover said: “It’s a hugely brave and courageous thing for John to come out and admit that he was a bulimia sufferer.

“It’s hard enough for a young girl to confess to, but for a high profile male politician approaching 70, it’s especially impressive."

I suppose it is difficult for those in power to express any sign of weakness. And there's only one step up from dep pm!

As the beeb say:

Never again will it be seen as a condition that only affects young women.

That's great. thanks beeb. It took JP to bring it to light as something men suffer from? That's fantastic (really) for all the male sufferers from eating disorders and disordered eating patterns. But i can't help but cringe that it took so long to highlight this illness and the sadness it brings to so many males, females and their families.

“It’s believed that one in 10 bulimia sufferers are men but I have never in all my years as a consultant specialising in eating disorders come across a man this old suffering from bulimia.

“It seriously makes me think that maybe we’re completely missing a whole audience of middle-aged men who are too scared to admit they have a problem.”

I hope they find their voice.